based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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