Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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