Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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