Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Umm I'm too high to move.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
