Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
