you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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