i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
