You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
