According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
