Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
