so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
