you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
