Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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