She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
