90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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