I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
