the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
