When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
