I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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