The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
