All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
