i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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