Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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