Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
