I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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