Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
