My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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