Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
