He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
