I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
