Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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