Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize