Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I died a long time ago.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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