I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
