im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
