I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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