She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
