I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
