Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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