Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
