So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
