Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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