remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
