I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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