also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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