almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
