Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
