i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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