I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
