Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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