You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
