there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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