Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
