Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im holly from the hills drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
