I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
