Whod you bang
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hippo gnu deer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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