I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do vagina's smell?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
