you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
