I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to calm my uterus...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
