My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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