I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
