Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
