With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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