made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
