All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
