Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
