Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
