Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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