Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
