This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
