you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
