Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
