apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He called his prostate his "boner button".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
